The to-and-fro of Love

A reader asked how to handle the separation of moving away from “children”? It’s a fantastic question because it’s a heart-issue for so many people who move here. For me, six years later, I know that I never resolve this one completely.

Camping on Brier Island with Emily and Larry and I.
Camping on Brier Island with Emily and Larry and me.

When you love someone – a partner, offspring, relatives, friends, you want to be near them, right? Everyone has to work out that problem of separation themselves and I have yet to find an easy way.

You have to settle for Skype, phone calling, emailing, chatting and as many back-and-forth visits as you can afford. We’ve been super lucky that our kids are good communicators so we are in touch often.  They have been here enough that they know the terms of reference when we talk about village life and people. We have a genuine interest in their life paths so we are always available to listen. Sometimes we Skype and we all drink tea and show each other what we are working on. I can’t wait until someone invents a transporter machine so we can have cups of tea together.

Skyping from Vancouver.
Skyping from Vancouver.
Skyping from Toronto
Skyping from Toronto

But how did we get to the point where we could move away? For starters, we viewed it as moving to. Moving to a place where our spirits and souls could thrive. We had devoted 30 years to parenting 2 beautiful souls and the time was overdue for me and Larry to find a community of creative types in a beautiful rural setting. We tried finding “Bear River” in Ontario, but it didn’t appear for us.

Skyping with Jesse
Skyping with Jesse

Our kids both love the vibrancy of living in cities.  They indulge in their creativity when they visit us here and view Bear River as a lovely, but temporary retreat so it’s unlikely they would ever move here. And for us the need to be here in a rural setting is very strong.

Skyping from Germany.
Skyping from Germany.

We miss each other, we love each other, but we are all where we want and need to be right now. And all of us are pretty happy with our choices.

Jesse cuts metal and creates some jewellery.
Jesse cuts metal and creates some jewellery.
Parting gift.
Parting gift.

We  love our thirty-something year old kids, and we love spending time with them. Distance and missing them can hurt. That’s a difficult part of parental love.  But it’s also important for us to let them separate and to establish their own lives and identity.

Christmas view where Jesse and I sat in the snow and talked about life.
Christmas view where Jesse and I sat in the snow and talked about life.

I wish I had a better answer, but I don’t. Certainly your end destination must meet some profound unfulfilled needs to fill the gap of distance from family.

The To and Fro of Love  can be bitter and can be sweet.

Poem and Painting about Emily leaving by Scarfe and Shischkov.
Poem and Painting about Emily leaving by street artists Skafte and Shishkov.

11 thoughts on “The to-and-fro of Love

  1. I love your comment about “moving to a place where our spirits & souls could thrive” as that is how I feel about Nova Scotia. Thank you Flora!

  2. Thank you Flora
    from the bottom and right up to the top of my heart.
    Your wise words brought me to tears because I know
    you understand.

    I so appreciate you sharing your perspectives and will embrace
    “moving to”
    …..not “away”…

    I feel so much better and am almost excited at the prospect of starting our new adventure…and in turn being able to share that with my children and grandchildren, when they come to visit.
    You’ve helped me see a new way of thinking about our move and for that I am forever grateful.

    Looking forward, as always, to your next post and again
    thank you for taking the time to share your heart and soul.

    warm wishes,

    1. Patti, oh you are so welcome. The first year we lived here, I often woke up in the night wondering where I was and where the kids were. Sometimes I visualize that one or the other of them is sleeping in the next room. Tricks of the mind, eh? What I do know is that my soul needs to be here. And thanks for speaking your truth too. xo

  3. Flora read your to-and-fro of love and it touched me. My son Alejandro is almost finished high school. I grew up in a small town, and always feel stir crazy in the city, long for open space, yet know the city and the country have their own vibrancy. High school teacher Kathy

    1. Hi Kathy, One reason I am enjoying this small village experience because I’d never had it before. My perfect scenario would be to drive down these almost-empty highways here and come to a cutoff an hour away that led to an imaginary parking lot next to a subway stop in Toronto (or Montreal) because, as you say, there is lots of vibrancy in both places. Thanks for checking in!

  4. Thank you SO much Flora! How did you know this has been on my heart lately?
    I took a you-tube “ride” through Bear River the other day and how I “felt” myself there!
    I’d love to move there to make my misson-style furniture there. Folks here really like what I do and it would be fun doing this there.
    I’m 64 and it’s NOW time for a new adventure!
    I too,talk to my children/grandchildern on skipe
    Fireman Larry,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s